Beware of I.T. Guy

Gentlemen, now that we're all grown up, let me tell you something. You remember when you were this scrawny little kid that everyone liked to pick on in school? The kind that they yanked around, pushed around and kicked around... And now you meet this guy who used to yank you around and kick you around several years later and you're like "Booyah! I'm going to make this mutherfucker suffer!"

And as you say this, it's not like you've become this giant pumped-up guy who works out even his tonsils. You're still that skinny, sorry-ass motherfucker. But you're the I.T. Guy. You know I.T. guys are really twisted and crazy motherfuckers. Don't ever get on the wrong side of an I.T. Guy. An I.T. Guy will never solve your problem the first time. Unless of course your problem is that you forgot to plug in your fucking computer. He'll just call all your colleagues around and point you out as a classic example of idiot. Then you will learn. Problem solved.

If you get on the wrong side of an I.T. Guy, he can erase you. Obliterate you. He can erase you from the personell files of the huuuuge multinational you work for. You see, to this multinational, you're just a number that brings in some numbers. This guy can erase you and you won't do SHIT. You know once you're erased from a computer, you can't be an employee. Your access card doesn't work. And even if somehow you got in, you wouldn't get a salary because you don't exist on the payroll. And if you jifanya ati you're a kichwa ngumu, he'll ask your workmates to swear that they don't know you. And you'll be escorted out by security. Your workmates will swear that they don't know you because they don't want to be stupid and get on the left side of the I.T. Guy.

Now I.T. Guys are very smart fellows who never get anything done on time. If they do, it's because some regional head or some corporate big-wig is around. They're always busy with like 3 monitors with 7 applications open. Those aren't applications. Those are turbo-powered torrents. And he's downloading porn. No wonder your internet's slow. And he always waves you away and says "Go away. Don't disturb me. I'm busy. I'm researching on your comp's problem. It's a new technology. I have to research." And you wonder why they're always asking you for tissue. They actually fake a whole respiratory condition that makes them need ridiculous amounts of tissue.

I..T. Guys don't like solving your problem the first time round, because efficiency raises expectations. Expectations lead the M.D. to ask the I.T. Guy to repair his fridge at home, since he has an expense account and the I.T. Guy is an expense to the company. I have had crazy I.T. guys. If this site is still up tomorrow, I.T. Guys haven't read this.