Well, you see, I meet random chicks on FaceBook who add me as their friend and because I have zero retentive abilities for random people's names I add them lest I offend my drinking buddies' girlfriends. I chat not because I want a hookup, maybe I do, but that's besides the point... it's just that people can get so conditioned in their idiosyncracies that they become highly predictable creatures. For example, you can tell a lot about a mamaa from her choice of diction.
Now these mamaaz come in all shades (figuratively and literally). Most, I think are trapped in a feeling of professional inadequacy, and will do anything (anything, but work smart) to get ahead of the game. She'll probably have a college diploma in sales or admin or something equally useless to her ambitious plan. I ain't judging, just observing objectively. Don't judge me either for posting a chat I had with someone I neither know nor take seriously. I may one day discover that I've been chatting a pot-bellied bald dude called Nicodemus. But as long as the delusion continues, I shall let you in on what's going on...
My Chat Award goes to someone I shall call Hotstuff2008
hotstuff2008: sema u there?
Cross Eyed Snake: sema supuu. whalappa?
hotstuff2008: its ow
hotstuff2008: long time
Cross Eyed Snake: i'm cool. how's maisha?
hotstuff2008: poa
hotstuff2008: labda yako?
hotstuff2008: job is ow?
Cross Eyed Snake: kazi is ok. just bored stiff. i think what i need is a fresh account.
hotstuff2008: account of wat?
Cross Eyed Snake: work
Cross Eyed Snake: ...a new client...
hotstuff2008: aahh ok
hotstuff2008: am also bored
hotstuff2008: actually am tired
Cross Eyed Snake: mentally? emotionally? physically? spiritually?
hotstuff2008: noo jobwise
hotstuff2008: i am workin on changin companies
hotstuff2008: i feel i av worked here long enaf
hotstuff2008: and oflate there's some shit happening here wich i cant stomach for long
Cross Eyed Snake: oh?
hotstuff2008: am telling u its horrible
Cross Eyed Snake: you said you're in marketing?
hotstuff2008: someone is being screwed by the boss and she tells him things wich are unbelievable about us
hotstuff2008: nope am in Admn
hotstuff2008: for a consultant firm
hotstuff2008: on sat i beat her badly
Cross Eyed Snake: you chapa'd her?
hotstuff2008: yeah i did
hotstuff2008: u just dont look for stories to tell the boss about me
hotstuff2008: and i am not done wit her
Cross Eyed Snake: si you'll end up in kamiti
hotstuff2008: i will hit her each time she says mthn about me wether true or false i will
Cross Eyed Snake: or on KTN
hotstuff2008: for nw i dont crae
hotstuff2008: ati kamiti or ktn? kam on
Cross Eyed Snake: is she pretty?
hotstuff2008: to be honest, am not been a hater she has nice legs
hotstuff2008: just like mine
hotstuff2008: only that mine are fatter and browner
hotstuff2008: but wen it kams to looks noooooooahhhhh
hotstuff2008: she has a smal ass and smal boobs
hotstuff2008: so me and her are just different just the legs and the browness
Cross Eyed Snake: si you introduce me to her
hotstuff2008: she is old
hotstuff2008: almost 30
Cross Eyed Snake: i like nyanyez
hotstuff2008: well u kam get her urself coz i aint doin that
hotstuff2008: the ple i introd her to still curse me
Cross Eyed Snake: si you tafutia me her number
Cross Eyed Snake: is she a kao?
hotstuff2008: wewe, no she is lunje
hotstuff2008: and mind u she aint into sex
hotstuff2008: i wonder ow the boss screws her
Cross Eyed Snake: ?
hotstuff2008: very conservative about sex
hotstuff2008: yap
hotstuff2008: she doesnt like it
Cross Eyed Snake: she's a lesbian?
hotstuff2008: i don knw
Cross Eyed Snake: so what has she been telling the boss about you?
hotstuff2008: personal stuff
hotstuff2008: like i stay wit my man
hotstuff2008: i mean wat the hell is her busines
hotstuff2008: she said i started leavin wit a man wen am too young and its not good
hotstuff2008: u knw
hotstuff2008: i made sure i hit her good
hotstuff2008: on mond during a staff meetin she said i ad neglected a no of MY clients
hotstuff2008: that i am not following em
hotstuff2008: i told her i av left em to u u follow them up coz u seem to be so good at it and anyway, those are my clients so if u feel i aint doin enaf u do it
hotstuff2008: and i aint followin non of em
Cross Eyed Snake: sounds like it's your boss playing politics on you guys
hotstuff2008: i almost beat her again bt the boss intervene
hotstuff2008: yahh
hotstuff2008: but i told her there infront of everyone that wat she does good is discuss pple and pull em down
hotstuff2008: i told her if thats her job description she shd have it reviewed bcoz i av a different copy of her JD
hotstuff2008: i actually unleashed all i ad inside me
Cross Eyed Snake: you're a mad chick
hotstuff2008: well i am
hotstuff2008: told her if i hear or catch her talking about me, i will make her regret and she shd be very careful bcoz she know me to well and i dont kid around
hotstuff2008: if u hit me below the belt i am bound to revenge and mine is very painful
hotstuff2008: she is a very selfish, egoistic and self centered bitch
hotstuff2008: she likes bossing pple around
Cross Eyed Snake: WAH!
hotstuff2008: i toldher last week
Cross Eyed Snake: that's more hate than b/w Biggie & Tupac
hotstuff2008: by the way 2 pple av already quit
Cross Eyed Snake: coz of her?
hotstuff2008: she has issues wit me
hotstuff2008: yeah coz of her
hotstuff2008: u c my boss was goin fo a dinner anatha day last month at intercon, so he said he wants to go wit someone who is strickin and represents class and is very charming
hotstuff2008: actually we all knew she was goin
hotstuff2008: shock on her wen my boss gave me some cash and toldme to go make my hair and buy a dinner dress
hotstuff2008: she didnt talk to me for like a week, not like i did mind
hotstuff2008: she even switched my cab so that i wud go late
hotstuff2008: but am sharper than her i called the cab guy who was meant to kam pick me he told me 'u cancelled'
hotstuff2008: i said ok coz i knew it was her, so i picked anatha one fromhome
hotstuff2008: i was not late but i didnt even tell my boos and i dont intead to tell him coz to me tahts gossip
Cross Eyed Snake: so when are you going to put a stake through her black heart?
hotstuff2008: andi aint the type to gossip about my felow workmates wit the boss
hotstuff2008: just wait
hotstuff2008: sorry that wasnt meant for u
Cross Eyed Snake: what?
hotstuff2008: sorry i just copied that again
Cross Eyed Snake: huh?
hotstuff2008: yeah
Cross Eyed Snake: so what are you wearing?
hotstuff2008: me?
Cross Eyed Snake: you
hotstuff2008: lets just say am a crazy chik so take a guess
hotstuff2008: take a wild guess
Cross Eyed Snake: a red thong
Cross Eyed Snake: black sandals
hotstuff2008: kam on,
hotstuff2008:
hotstuff2008: thats very funny
hotstuff2008: black sandals am dyin here wit laughter guys are staring at me
hotstuff2008: ohhh noooo
hotstuff2008: am officail plz u can do beta than that
Cross Eyed Snake: what's wrong with black sandals?
hotstuff2008: noting
hotstuff2008: but am just imagining my outfit wit sandals
hotstuff2008: then the red thong
hotstuff2008: i have never had a red thong
hotstuff2008: so guess again wat i have on
Cross Eyed Snake: don't tell me you're ortho
hotstuff2008: wat is ortho?
Cross Eyed Snake: birthday suit
hotstuff2008:
hotstuff2008: well to be honest in the morning i was readin a story that made me hot so i removed my hotpant wen i went to the ladies
hotstuff2008: it made me very wet i cudnt bear it
hotstuff2008: so now my pussy is breathing
hotstuff2008: tomake matters worse i av a short tight skirt
Cross Eyed Snake: yaani you have a pornographic mind!
hotstuff2008: nooo
hotstuff2008: its just that i hate wearing pantys
hotstuff2008: if i cud i'd stay like that
hotstuff2008: then i love wearing short skirts, they make me feel sexy oz i know i av hot legs
Cross Eyed Snake: si you send me a pic
hotstuff2008: u knw i stopped wearin innerwears wen i was in school
hotstuff2008: lemmi give u a story
hotstuff2008: u say am a good storyteller
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: i was a prefect wen i went to form one all the way upto form 4
hotstuff2008: so i wa s a strict prefect that much i know
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: so now some students werent impressed wit me
hotstuff2008: they decided since i was mistreating em they wud be punishin me
hotstuff2008: so they started wit my clothes they wud pick em anddirtfy em
hotstuff2008: but i managed that by lockin em in my locker
hotstuff2008: wat they managed to punish me wit was my bra and my gothas
hotstuff2008: imagine they wud throw em in the loo
hotstuff2008: so i wud find my sexy thongs and bra thrown at the loo
hotstuff2008: i got mad and decided enaf was enaf
hotstuff2008: i STOPPED wearing em
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: i went all the way to form 3 without wearin a bar or a thong or a panty
hotstuff2008: i even started using
hotstuff2008: so wen i finished skool i ad it raff wit my mum
hotstuff2008: so i ad to wear em
hotstuff2008: coz anyway, my boobs ad become migger and bouncy so i ad to shiled em
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: so its the habit i had then that still makes me not to want to wear undies
hotstuff2008: even my dude tried tellin me to wear em to work but wapi
hotstuff2008: i wear but at some point i feel uncomfortable so i just chuck em
Cross Eyed Snake: so now you're ngotha-less?
hotstuff2008: yap
Cross Eyed Snake: you didn't come up with that story just to tease me, did you?
hotstuff2008: why shd i?
hotstuff2008: its not like
hotstuff2008: well u av problems believing antin i tellu
hotstuff2008: oh by the way, my cuzo the one i told u was a virgin
hotstuff2008: we had a threesome wit her
hotstuff2008: she lost it over the weekend
hotstuff2008: hahhahahahha, u missed that one coz u didn't believe me
Cross Eyed Snake: so who vunja'd her punani?
hotstuff2008: told u we ada threesome
hotstuff2008: MY FIRST EVER
hotstuff2008: my man did
Cross Eyed Snake: so whose bright idea was that?
hotstuff2008: hers
hotstuff2008: but my guy had issues
hotstuff2008: he was sayin it aint fair for her but i convinced him
hotstuff2008: but damn i av never seen anatha woman being fucked
hotstuff2008: this was awesome
hotstuff2008: i was very turned on
hotstuff2008: but she cried a lot
hotstuff2008: a lot that at some point i felt bad
hotstuff2008: my dude stopped
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: i understand thoh, was her first time, my dude has a huge dick so he had to do the figure fuck for her
Cross Eyed Snake: ehe...
hotstuff2008: u knw i av always wanted to touch a fellow woman
hotstuff2008: especially the boobs
hotstuff2008: so i touched her
hotstuff2008: u know i will convince her we do it again
hotstuff2008:
hotstuff2008: maybe am crazy but i loved wat we did that day
Cross Eyed Snake: so did the jamaa enjoy?
hotstuff2008: sure
hotstuff2008: but the way he struggled wit that pussy b4 it cud give in......
hotstuff2008: ehhh wacha tu
Cross Eyed Snake: so did he kula her nyama-kwa-nyama?
hotstuff2008: definately
Cross Eyed Snake: what!
hotstuff2008: on a first time u use condom on a big dick
hotstuff2008: we know everytin is ok
hotstuff2008: we av made sure it is
hotstuff2008: i mean we just cant do it without considering some things
Cross Eyed Snake: like what?
hotstuff2008: wat do u mean?
Cross Eyed Snake: consider what things?
hotstuff2008: pregnancy and stds
hotstuff2008: we av been working on this for two months me and her
hotstuff2008: i only told my man a week to
hotstuff2008: u there?
hotstuff2008: av u ever ad a threesome?
Cross Eyed Snake: no. it's immoral.
hotstuff2008: ok
hotstuff2008: so did u find a chic
Cross Eyed Snake: you want a threesome with me.
hotstuff2008: hahahhah, kwenda huko
Cross Eyed Snake: imagine i still don't have a chick
hotstuff2008: i am a bit reserved on that
hotstuff2008: why?
hotstuff2008: na vile kuna warembo huku nje?
Cross Eyed Snake: i don't know why
Cross Eyed Snake: do you have anyone in mind?
hotstuff2008: nope
hotstuff2008: ad my cuzo u kataad her
hotstuff2008: for now i aint
Cross Eyed Snake: so apart from your relaz... any candidates
hotstuff2008: nope
